How the Enneagram Helps Us Understand Our Partner’s Perspective (Even When We’re So Different!)

The other day, Garrett and I found ourselves in a funny discussion about something as simple as eating. Garrett, an Enneagram 7 and member of the “head” triad, said he couldn’t truly enjoy a meal with his eyes closed. For him, part of the joy of food comes from seeing every detail before taking that first bite—appreciating the colors, textures, and presentation.

I, on the other hand, as an Enneagram 1 in the “gut” triad, tend to eat more introspectively. When I’m enjoying something truly delicious, I instinctively close my eyes to savor the flavors and textures, feeling the experience more deeply without distractions.

At first, it seemed like a minor difference, but as we talked more about our Enneagram types, I realized this wasn’t just a quirky preference—it was a perfect example of how we process the world in different ways. For Garrett, as a Seven, his dominant processing center is thinking, which means he experiences the world through thoughts and ideas. When it comes to food, he doesn't just savor the taste; he wants to visually absorb the whole experience. Eating becomes an adventure—seeing the beauty and variety in the meal excites his mind and fuels his sense of possibility. He thrives on the stimulation of the external world, which for him, makes the meal more than just nourishment.

For me, as a One in the gut triad, my dominant processing center is rooted in instinct and action. When I eat, I focus on how the food feels in my body—its textures, temperature, and how it satisfies my physical needs. Unlike Garrett, I’m not concerned with the visual experience. Instead, I close my eyes to tune into the physical sensations and instinctive reactions that come with each bite. Eating is about nourishment for me—it’s grounded, present, and focused on my body’s needs. For me, it’s less about intellectual stimulation or sensory excitement and more about the simple, instinctual enjoyment of the moment.

The more we talked, the more we realized that these differences weren’t personal—they were tied to our core motivations and processing styles. We weren’t right or wrong; we were just wired differently.

The Enneagram helped us understand this. It showed us that our differences don’t need to create friction—they can actually bring us closer. Understanding each other’s Enneagram types gave us a new lens to view how we approach not just food, but so many other aspects of our lives together.

With this newfound perspective, we’ve been able to communicate with more compassion and empathy. Instead of viewing each other’s differences as quirks or challenges, we now see them as strengths that enrich our relationship, making it stronger and more understanding.

It’s not just about how we enjoy food. It’s about how we experience the world. The Enneagram has helped us move beyond misunderstandings and into a space where we can truly appreciate our unique ways of processing life. When we truly understand each other’s perspective, our relationship feels more connected, supportive, and harmonious.